I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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