I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
