I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Someone stole a lamp last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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