Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
