I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
