Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
