i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize