worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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