I'm really into asian looking animals
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
