we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
