the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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