It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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