call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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