hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
