did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
