the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
