I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
