No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
