I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
