You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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