i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
