You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
