he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
