Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
