I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
