Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
