its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
