She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want her autograph on my taint
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
