Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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