I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
