he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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