I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
