Fuck appropriateness.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
