All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
