I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
