Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
