Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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