what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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