did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
