his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
