so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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