haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
