dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
