the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
