I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
