he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
