I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
