awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
