Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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