Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
