i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
