I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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