I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
