All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
