He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
