he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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