You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
