I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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